MARITAL MONOTONY, CASUAL FLINGS AND ONE NIGHT STANDS - ARE THEY ALL RELATED?

I remember as an inexperienced school kid, I along with my friends, always used to discuss relationships and pondered on ways to make a relationship with the opposite sex spicier than it already was. And one of the best solutions that came out of these girlie brainstorming sessions was to have a side dish along with a main dish to keep conjugal life happy. It seemed an easy enough idea then and very attractive as well. After all, when was bigamy boring?

Cut to adulthood! We are all grown up now and a few of us are already married, some for more than 3 years. And slowly, the word or rather the danger of marital monotony is threatening to rock our blissful but colorless marital boats! Monogamy is regarded as a great virtue in almost all contemporary cultures now. And cheating on your spouse and committing adultery are not only looked down upon by society, such transgressions are also heavily punished by laws.

Monogamy = Monotony?

However, the new rule is monogamy = monotony! Staying with the same man or same woman for several years under the same roof and doing the same old boring officework, housework and domestic chores breed marital monotony in the fast paced urban world.

Is that why consensual one night stands and casual flings have become so common? Is this the latest route to happiness in the eyes of frustrated married men and women? Is this why tasting the forbidden fruit and taking part in guilty pleasures, especially if it can spice up your boring conjugal life so alluring? Is it really true that mutual and consensual one night stands and casual sex flings with someone other than your spouse can actually help your marriage and save it from breaking down?

This rather controversial and immoral issue has been taken up and explored rather ambiguously in the new flick The Freebie starring Katie Aselton and Dax Shepard. They play the roles of a couple madly in love and perfectly and happily married in every other way, except for their dull sex life. And what’s their radical and cool solution to the problem of sexual monotony or boredom in the bedroom? A one night raunchy romp with a stranger or person of their choice.

Why is committing adultery so pleasurable, so exhilarating?

The film has dealt with this head scratching topic rather nebulously but in real life, is it really that easy? The initial experience of having sex and flirting around with a new man or woman (with your spouse’s full consent) can be uplifting, sublime, totally liberating and it can leave you in a euphoric state for a couple of months or so. In fact, all illicit hedonistic relationships guarantee a strange sense of happiness and fulfillment, to say, nothing of pleasure, especially since it is forbidden.

And forbidden fruits always taste sweeter, right? It feels good to break out of the monotony of marital life, it feels great to break out of the shackles of daily routine and do something new, secret, sinful and sexy! It feels on top of the world to feel desired once more. It feels extremely liberating to date and bed a new person in your life and have pure, unadulterated, dirty fun! But for how long?

Downsides of Adultery

Sooner or later, these radical and so called ‘cool’ ideas will lose their cool factor. Sooner or later, these sexy escapades will grow old, lose their charm and their sheen. And when the charm of ‘new’ wears off, what are you left with? Have you ever spared a thought for the aftermath?

The aftermath is usually two hearts heavy with guilt and the burden of sin, torrents of jealousy and envy lashing away at the very foundation of marriage, defiled sanctity of a sacred union and reduced physical intimacy between husband and wife.

And these can have very nasty repercussions later on in life. In short, a boring but perhaps a very happy, simple, uncomplicated life becomes fraught with jealousy, despair, accusations, heartburn, tears, angry and bitter quarrels and complexities that I can’t even imagine!

Is it worth playing with fire, knowing all the while that you will soon burn your hands?

Therefore, is it really worth risking your marital life and marital happiness in pursuit of forbidden pleasures that can only bring about veiled doom? Is it really worth risking your marriage for having flings and sexual escapades with people who can tear you apart from your spouse? Is it really fair on the children?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if one spouse starts developing a soft corner for his/her illicit partner and gets involved in a full fledged adulterous affair that can tear apart the whole fabric of the marriage? What if you start developing feelings for your ‘lover’ and he or she betrays you or blackmails your spouse and you for illegal financial gains?

Solution for Marital Monotony

Marital monotony is a widespread conjugal problem – a bug that bites into every single marriage on earth once it hits the third or fourth year. And there are numerous ways of putting back the spark in your marital life, of rekindling the long forgotten passion, of reigniting the romance that had been supplanted by boredom. And casual flings or one night stands or any other such illicit misadventures are not the real solution to this problem of marital monotony. To the best of my knowledge, it can only make matters worse, instead of better.